Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's always time for handjobs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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