I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?