halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.