Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
