dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
