'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize