I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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