Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
