i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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