i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
