my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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