You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
