don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
