Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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