wanna go halves on a baby?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
