I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
