i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
