everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
