Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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