If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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