Swine flu. Run for my life!
false alarm. still invincible.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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