Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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