I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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