We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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