I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize