After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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