Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize