i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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