She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
