i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She told me I should be a condom model.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
