I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
