so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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