My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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