To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
