he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
