i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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