youre lurking in front of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
