Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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