I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
