There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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