Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
