The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
