i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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