his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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