so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
