I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
