A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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