very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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