oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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