I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
