God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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