Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
