Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
