So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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