when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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