roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
