just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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