My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize