no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
