With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ruined the universe
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
